Hesher (2010) Review (R)
Hey, like there’s this dude, named Hesher, like who listens to Metallica (because he’s so cool) and he like breaks stuff and ya’ know… sets stuff on fire. An’ there’s this kid, who like gets his @$$ kicked all the time… because like he’s having a tough time cuz’ his mom died an’ he’s like… not cool with it. And his dad is like wiggin’ out an’ sh!t. An’ neither one of them’s payin’ attention to gran’ma.
But Hesher moves in to their house ‘cuz he wants to an’ like gets free cable for them. ‘Cuz he’s so cool.
Then he like teaches them that they need to pay attention to gran’ma an’ he hits the bong with her. Cuz’ that would be funny if he got into her medicinal stash like that. An’ Hesher takes no sh!t, ‘cuz he’s like… cool. An’ he hooks up with Natalie Portman’s fine @$$! I mean, like damn I’d hit that. I mean who wouldn’t hit that fine sh!t?
Dude, this movie’s like some crazy sh!t, man. I had no idea that Hesher would like come in an’ be so cool an’ like teach life lessons to that dude from that show on TV an’ his kid. When he burned some stuff, that was the coolest part except for the part where he hit that fine @$$. I gotta’ watch this again, man…. Wait. No. Nope. No. No. Just no.
FAIL. FAIL! FAIL! FAIL!!! This was like an episode of Beavis and Butthead without the intelligence. When Roger Ebert gave this 2.5 stars he must have been under the influence of his own medicinal stash. Hesher is a worthless film sponsored by corporate Metallica. This could have only been worse if Rob Zombie had directed this. This is easily the worst film for both Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie portman. That Portman produced this is a strong argument against actors becoming producers. Sadly, it may not be the worst film I’ve seen this year, but it’s right up there. It’ll be on my Worst Films of 2011 without any question.