Crash! Landen’s Worst 10 Films of 1983

This was difficult to pick 10 for this particular year…  Some of these I don’t have fond memories of; in fact, some of them I have no memory at all except that I never wanted to see them again. However, there might be a couple on my list that I have a soft spot for. One that didn’t quite make the unkindest cut:

Cujo (Somewhat watchable. I love Dee Wallace in a horror flick, but it IS a movie about a rabid dog stretched out to 90 minutes… One rabid dog…. I think this is the film where I started noticing a reoccurring element in Stephen King’s stories, too. The would be saviour that suspects that the protagonist(s) is in danger, travels across _______ to check on said person(s) and either A) is immediately killed on arrival or B) gets there too late to provide any help.)

Some others that were deserving… Michael Mann’s ambitious but disastrous The Keep… I Am The Cheese, a film with the actor that played Eliot’s brother in ET . Not a reason to watch it, trust me. It has more holes than swiss cheese. It could easily be switched out for the 10 spot.

Here’s the 10 I came up with… Again, this is MY list. Not telling you that you have to agree. You’d be correct if you did, though.

10 Nightmares (Not a completely unwatchable movie, but the filmmakers’ garsp far exceeded the reach. The meager production values really detract here… But I don’t want to pick on the little guys so much. There are several bigger films that are deserving to make it on my list.)

9 Krull (A terrible  film in a very wacky way, that couldn’t make up its mind of exactly what it wanted to be. It’s still a somewhat enjoyable film, though… Could this be a guilty pleasure, maybe? Gene Siskel did say “Krull. Sounds like a dessert.”)

8 Xtro ( A very strange film with absolutely no point. The director himself even said that he had no idea what it was about. I will say this about it. It does create a very good shock or two on a very low budget. Freaked me out when I saw it, but that’s not necessarily a good thing and certainly not enough to make this a good film. And what the hell was the dwarf about?)

7 The Outsiders (The first of two from francis Ford Coppola. this is as pretentious as a film about gangs that you can get and is never believable. After I sw this I think I flinched anytime said the words Soda or Ponyboy…)

6 Scarface (Yes, Scarface. One of the most over-rated films of all time. It’s a movie without a point. A hoodlum does bad things, rises to the top of the hoodlum heap and is killed for being a hoodlum, but not before glorifying how cool the hoodlum is… At least to those involved. Although it’s not the worst  film on the list, Al Pacino’s performance in Scarface was so obnoxiously over the top that it probably deserved two spots…)

5 Amityville 3-D  (… but I hated this entire series… I guess the original was tolerable. Somewhat.)

4 Smokey And The Bandit 3 (Should be called Smokey And the Cameo… And no, Stroker Ace isn’t on my list.)

3 Jaws 3-D (The original was one of the best films ever made, but the sequels continued to decline in quality exponentially with each sequel. If there’s ever a Jaws 5 made, it has a strong possibility of creating a black hole,)

2 Yor Hunter From The Future (As I said, i hate picking on the little guy, but this one’s deserving of the top/bottom spot. Take my word for it. An assault on the senses.)

1 Rumble Fish (   I think this was supposed to be edgy for the time, but even back then, this would have played as silly. Like the outsiders this was a  little too much ‘West Side Story’ for its own good.)


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