LOST Finally Ends For All Of The Poor Dumb Bastards That Watched It
I didn’t watch it. Well, not much, anyway. I was going to watch the Sunday news and realized that LOST (the Final Episode! Woohoo!) was running until 10:30 (whereas the local news usually starts at 10). So I flipped back and forth between that and the Suns/Lakers Game until the news came on.
All I can say about what little I saw is: Wow.
Way back when it began (after Hurricane Ivan blasted my hometown), I watched it occasionally with a relative or two, ‘just because’. I’m not a big TV watcher, but it was a way of being somewhat sociable while everyone was still recovering from the biggest, baddest storm to have come ashore in quite a few years. I watched. I’m not proud, but it was only for a few episodes scattered throughout the first season. I came to my senses.
I was dumbfounded by the lack of substance on Lost all the while it was being touted as ‘the best thing on TV’ (which is an indictment more than anything that I can figure) . I thought maybe there were 2 shows on the air called ‘Lost’, because the TV ‘critics’ couldn’t possibly be talking about the same gigantic piece of turd that I was viewing each week. After just a couple of episodes, it was clear that the writers had no idea where the story was going. It was written in an open ended style, with some ‘mysterious’ clues dropped in each week (for which, they could try to tie some of them together later on).
In that first season, it took a couple of guys WEEKS to dig a stupid hole. A hole that they were keeping secret from the rest of the survivors of their plane crash. Then it took them WEEKS to open it. When they finally got the damn thing open they stared down the hole until the following season. They would drag everything out as long as they possibly could at an agonizingly slow pace.
Recently, a friend of mine admitted he was watching Lost and loving it. After I questioned his competency, I tried to get an explanation or 2 out of him about the ‘answers’ that were supposed to be forthcoming as the show wrapped up. Polar bears. The numbers. The telekinetic kid that’s no longer on the show as far as I know. The miracles. Why the fat guy hadn’t lost any weight after being stranded on a tropical island for years (at least in real time) (and my apologies Hugo Reyes. I was once a fat guy. It has to be asked). I managed to get one crap explanation about the smoke monster, but it took him about 7 minutes to cover all of the back story and none of it made any sense.
From the little that I saw, the Lost crew are still jerking everyone’s chain right down to the last. Apparently, the writers just wrote:”Okay, everyone stares at one another and they cry. A LOT. And they KEEP crying. And they act really tired… And hurt. And they just keep crying. And staring at one another while tilting their heads to the side. Until the end. Then, they can let a smile or 2 out WHILE crying. There was a whoooooooole lotta’ crying.
And finally, it mercifully ended and… they’re all dead? When this thing started 37 seasons ago, the standard guesses for what was ‘really going on’ there on that TV island was inter-dimensional travel, aliens, time travel or they’re all dead and in limbo. I think they were trying to cover all the bases, because from what little I saw earlier, that ‘explanation’ (and I’m using that term as loosely as possible) covered at least 4 of those. And , from what I saw, one of the writers must have been high while watching either the Dark Crystal or the old kids’ show ‘Land of the Lost‘ and slipped a magic glowing crystal in there. Anyway, the actors finally stopped crying and Lost limped off into the night as maybe the most over-rated, over-hyped television shows to ever air on a major network (or any network) in my lifetime.
But the most hilarious part of the Lost death rattle is that after it ‘ended’, I pull up an internet ‘story’ stating that the producers of (The Turd Called) Lost are promising that the answers to all of the mysteries will be answered in a little ‘bonus feature’ when you buy the Lost DVDs. Wasn’t that what was promised for the last episode?
Poor dumb bastards. Maybe you Lost fans better wait for the Special Edition DVDs’ with the Super Special Bonus Features that’s sure to follow to REALLY answer all of the mysteries that will be unsolved on the forthcoming Lost DVDs. The writers are probably working on that right now.
Poor, poor dumb bastards.