Crash Landen’s Worst 10 Movies Of 1997

This was actually a decent year for filmgoers. It had its share of Bat-droppings but doesn’t every year.  There were some very good directors that released some of their worst  material (David Fincher’s The Game nearly made my list). Alien Resurrection was pretty to look at. Wishmaster might have been better with a bigger budget… for the script. Dante’s Peak might have been better as  a TV movie of the week. None of these made my Top 10 (or Bottom 10 as it were).

1997 might’ve had some ‘all timers’ in it.

10 Steel (Not a completely bad Shaq vehicle if you’re a kid… )

Might've sealed Jean Claude's career doom.

9 Double Team (Dennis Rodman’s movie career highpoint I think… Not Jean Claude Van Damme’s, though….)

No it won't.

8 Anaconda (Ebert gave this a ‘thumbs up’ only to help promote JLo’s career. I think this is when Ebert REALLY started letting his personal biases infect his movie reviews.

Williams in a 'family film'. 'Nuff said.7 Flubber (Robin Williams movies are on a few of my worst lists…)

Keanu dodged this one to make an even worse movie)

6 Speed 2 Even the cast thought the movie was awful and said so while promoting it.)

5 The Devil’s Advocate (Keanu as a lawyer and Pacino in full Foghorn Leghorn mode)

A 4 star CRAPFEST!

4 An American Werewolf in Paris (Shocked that I could hate a movie with Julie Delpy in it.)

3 Kiss the Girls (Had a preposterous plot…SPOILERS: Dueling artistic serial killers!)
2 Spawn (Have never been able to get through this. The FX got  a lot of unwarranted hype. The story/dialogue was braindead… In a bad way.)
1 Batman & Robin…. When I watched this one, I felt like I was strapped to my chair with a 2400 lb. wrecking  ball bearing down on me… Utter horror and I could not bring myself to leave. I remember there were high hopes for this one going in. The previous installment (with Val Kilmer) had been proclaimed a monumental success…not by me… and everyone expected this one to be better than Joel Schumacher’s last stab at it. I never cared for the extremely garish neon colors, but apparently I was in the minority on that.  There were also the anticipation of the vast array of villains and sidekicks. Bane (who I hated), Mr Free-uhz (played by Arnie in a massive cash grab), Batgirl (Alicia Silverstone who was ‘wrong’ for the part), The Floronic Man made somewhat of a  brief appearance, Robin (who should never be in a live action movie… thankfully Christopher Nolan agreed with me), and of course Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy. She was always one of my favorite Bat-villainesses seeing as how there weren’t too many villainesses in comics back then.
The nerds finally got a Bruce Wayne that they liked. Not blonde. Not an ‘everyman’. Not Bill Murray. George Clooney. He had a square enough jaw the nerds thought.He’s perfect.  Clooney has since on many occasions proclaimed that he played the gay Batman. The GAY Batman. Personally I still haven’t forgiven the people responsible for this, especially the director. It’s only saving grace was Uma Thurman dressed as Poison Ivy. I say ‘dressed as’ because it’s always cool to see comic book characters I grew up loving realized in live action. As far as her acting went, Uma Thurman was in complete hambone style and probably delivered her worst performance of the decade if not her career. All  of the blame can’t go the actors involved, though. The dialogue and story was bad even by 60s TV show Batman standards. ANd SOMEONE had to have thought that  this was a great script, or else it wouldn’t have been greenlit, right?
DC comics as usual were releasing 9 billion comics with the villains used in the film and were fully behind it as they always are until it bombs. Then when it fails they decry that  the ‘formula that worked in the comics’ wasn’t followed properly. Bullshit.
The vast number of comicbook superhero movies are ‘dumbed down’ because they think the public will accept that. Sad to say many times they do.


And just to try something new, here’s one of those handy dandy polls that wordpress offers:


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