Crash! Landen’s Worst Movies of 2006

2006 was an amazing year in movies, but it also had it’s share of crap. Crap I say! I had a tough time deciding which movies would make my list. I was really trying very hard to get  sequel ‘Underworld: Evolution’ or the Project Greenlight failure ‘Feast’ on my list.

This is a list of 10 but before I begin the list I do want to give special mention to the movie that was supposed to ‘jumpstart’ the Superman franchise: Superman returns. It’s not a terrible film in moviemaking terms (and Kevin Spacey was pretty good as Lex Luthor); it’s not even CLOSE to being in my Top 10 Worst but this isn’t Superman. Not the behavior anyway and I HATE this movie with extreme prejudice. Director Bryan Singer put his own spin on a character that needs no spin. He never got the core of the character. It’s not the ‘super powers’ that make him Superman. He also continued with the whole crystal technology from the original movies which was a HUGE miscalculation in the extreme. It’s sad that there isn’t going to be another Supes movie for a while because of this one’s failure and will be remembered as the Superman franchise killing version of Batman and Robin.

On to the list which is filled with Crap Horror Movies.

Top 10 Worst Films of 2006

Bumped… THE HILLS HAVE EYES (Remake not even as good as the original which was a mediocre shocker even for the time. No scares, either, which is not good for a horror movie).
10 LADY IN THE WATER (M. Night Shamalamdingdong’s low point. I never thought a movie with Bryce Howard could be this bad. There were a few good things about it, though and maybe a moment or two of shortlived suspense.)
9 THE BREAK-UP (Sold as a comedy/date movie and it WAS NOT. All the funny stuff is in the trailer and I mean ALL OF IT. Was a pretty mean spirited movie with 2 people saying nasty things to one another for most of the duration).
8 THE DESCENT (Every now and again a movie comes along that really surprises you at how good it is. This is NOT it… A scary movie for 13 year old girls AND it will empower them! Yippeee!… BASH! Complete horse shit of a movie.)
7 WHEN A STRANGER CALLS (ANOTHER pointless remake that is not as good as the mediocre original. There were numerous times where there’s some ‘scary noises’ and when the girl investigates:…. Nothing happens. Over and over again. I will say the director made the most of having NO STORY or action. He created mood pretty well).
6 HARSH TIMES (I like Christian Bale, but he’s been in quite a few stinkers. This movie was pretty brain dead.)
5 The Gravedancers ( A horror flick with some wicked in-camera creature makeup FX ruined by poor direction, a horrible script, some bad acting and an awful cheap looking crap CGI FX at the end. But Josie Moran is really hot.)
4 THE HOST (Ain’t It Cool News called this “Better than Jaws”…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH…. Sorry… It had some neat monster effects, but story and acting wise, this should have been featured on that MST3K show).
3 NIGHT WATCH (Couldn’t get through this Russian superhero/horror flick. Got worse as it went. The bad CGI FX didn’t help).
2 THE RETURN (THE SARAH MICHELLE GELLAR ONE) (Like When A Stranger Calls, there wasn’t a whole lot that happened in this and was the worst thing that a movie can be: BORING).
1 THE WICKER MAN (The worst of Cage’s career and that’s really saying a lot. Probably will be in my Top 10 Worst Movies EVER and definitely in the Worst of the Last Decade. I’m also starting to notice Cage has an absolute BOMB every single year it seems. Not a reflection on his acting ability  so much as his ability to pick good projects. It always falls on the Director as to whether the movie succeeds or not).

Thoughts?

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