Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (3 of 5)

 

Giant Cyclopean Cat-Robot! Wheeeeee!!!

Giant Cyclopean Cat-Robot! Wheeeeee!!!

 

 

Transformers II: Revenge Of the Fallen was big, dumb, had flashes of horrible dialogue (a lot borrowed from other movies), was hokey, and was way, way too long… BUT…. I liked it. Didn’t love it, but it was enjoyable. Big dumb explosions. Some silly acting. LOADS of slutty looking hot babes in questionable poses. There is a lot of ‘horniness’ in this movie… There were lots of silly, but funny-all-the-same moments scattered throughout, but you have to expect that in summer blockbuster Michael Bay movie based on a toy franchise that has had an advertising campaign that has seemingly gone on for decades (or is that just me?). It was like an issue of Maxim. That’s the best analogy that I have for it.

transformers_revenge_of_the_fallen

I had all the same issues with this one that I had with the first one… Giant robots moving way too fast and seemingly having no weight to them. Giant robots with bad human accents…. Overly convoluted plot. Characters acting like they’re in an 80s sitcom (except for all the cursing. There was lots of cursing.). Multiple Dues Ex Machina (Literal machines in this case). Robots fighting/tussling so quickly that you can’t tell who’s who. Decepticons looking so similar that it’s hard to tell which one is which. Endless resurection sequences (Noone in the Transformers universe ever really dies for good). Crude humor. Cliched situations. Cliched characters. Cliched stereotypes and dialogue. Just general Michael Bay craziness. And I’m going to use that very same wordage to describe it in my review… It wasn’t terrible. Not completely, but it was too long.

 

Lots of this in the movie....

Lots of this in the movie....

 

 

I kind of felt like, at times, that they were just making it up as they went along. In fact, I’m sure of it. But whenever something onscreen was completely non-believable, Bay and co. would just throw a few one-liners at the audience to remind you that you’re watching a big dumb, explosion filled Michael Bay summer blockbuster. I laughed all the way through it. Not at it. With it. I thought the actors did their best to look as though they believed that what they were saying and doing made sense. This isn’t one where you could say the actors just ‘mailed it in’.

 

Lots of this, too...

Lots of this, too...

 

 

Shia LaBeouf acted appropriately in the various situations and CGI laden moments. Megan Fox looked really hot. John Turturro was funny (again) as Agent Simmons. It was good to hear Peter Cullen again as Optimus Prime.  Isabel Lucas looked really hot. Kevin Dunn and Julie White were funny as Ma & Pa Witwicky. Ramon Rodriguez was funny as the newest annoying guy.And Megan Fox and Isabel Lucas looked really hot.

 

Pretty dangadable hot....

Pretty dangadable hot....

 

 

One has to remember that this IS a movie franchise based on a toy/cartoon franchise. If you go into this expecting this to be Citizen Kane, Schindler’s List, or Smokey & The Bandit; then you’re going to be disappointed. If you go in expecting to see a movie about a race of giant robots (some good, some evil) who can  transform into look-alikes to manmade vehicles  and have endless combat scenes where they fight one another, not with superior technology, but with their fists; then you’ll probably enjoy it more. If you hate Michael Bay, you won’t be surprised. You probably will hate this. You probably hate everything he’s ever done. If you like Michael Bay or you have no opinion on the man, then you probably won’t be completely disappointed.

 

Maybe my favorite scene in the whole movie....

Maybe my favorite scene in the whole movie....

   There are a lot of things that are disappointing about this movie. If you expect a mind-blowing story, you’re not going to get it. If you want to laugh and see special effects and explosions then you’ll be very happy. The movie is what it is and I didn’t expect it to be thought provoking or even reasonably intelligent. The most disappointing thing for me however, is that I think this should’ve been more of a kids’ movie. It is based on a toy franchise that was very light in tone. I never understand why Hollywood producers feel that they need to make something like this toy/cartoon franchise edgier or ‘darker’. That’s what they think sells to the modern audience, but imagine the Transformers done by PIXAR. As it is I wouldn’t recommend taking kids to this one. 

This has been kind of down year, at least in my opinion, for summer movies. I haven’t been real impressed by what has been offered so far. Hopefully there will be something better coming down the line (Sherlock Holmes, maybe?), but Transformers is an adequate summer movie. I don’t think many people are going to make repeat trips, but good enough to see it in a movie theater if you’re a summer movie fan. It’ll still make a ton of money if the Thursday night crowds were any indication. Three out of 5…whatevers… I really need to come up with some kind of real rating system. Anyway, thanks for reading.

 

WTF?! Couldn't I have seen this movie instead?

WTF?! Couldn't I have seen this movie instead?

 

Isn’t that from Jonah Hex? Does anyone know that one’s coming out? Anyone?
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2 Responses to “Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen (3 of 5)”

  1. Crash! Landen Says:

    Hey just send the 200 million through Paypal and you’ll get a better movie. GUARANTEED.

  2. Thunderhorse Says:

    The movie is awesome, seen it 5 times. action better that the first one (would have loved some more though) hot girls, bad ass robots and transformations, very bad ass DEVASTATOR and JetPrime.

    Awesome soundtrack and, yeah Bay is Awesome. I’ll give you 200 millions and see if you can do better. 😉

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